A gift or a curse..

We've all see in movies of how people have extraordinary skill or psychic to read through people's mind and I'm sure there's a moment where people would hope they can have this sort of ability to see through a person's heart... The fact, it doesn't require anything supernatural or brain superiority growth, sometimes, you just need to be more observant.

Many years back, I've learnt pretty much some basic skills of being observant to tell if a person is lying and their motives of lying.. Until present day, it's obvious, still nobody takes me seriously but I'm okay because it's kind of good that you could grow from within and no one sees nor understands you.

I've gotten much more sharp to look through a person's heart and even predicting their reaction.  People still call it as thinking too much and yet it's all pure silence whenever I'm correct, that's how sucks reality is, nobody care if you're right as long they're still looking down on you.  I understand how that feels and that is why I always kept my circles small around me, it made me easier to scout my visions and unleash from a blind spot.

Somehow, as awesome as it sounds, when you look into the eyes of the person you care of and they are opening their lies towards you... Just how painful could it have been when you know they are lying and yet because you just love them too much that you doesn't want to break it out into them and all you could do is to believe in their "truth".

I've been there before and I'm going to go through it again...  My resolution will still became the same, I'll become the asshole who ruined everything and every memory.  I can't take it easily because I doesn't want to close my eyes and open it again just to think about the past, I'm over it. I need to walk away from repetition of history and I can't always stand around.

Until now, I'm still not sure if knowing what a person is thinking was really that great... Like I said before, the moment when you felt helpless and all you could do is to watch sufferings, you'll know how despair tasted like...  Stronger people see me as someone who's optimistic, normal people see me as someone who's been into a lot of shitholes because of bad luck, and the weaker ones will always think I'm as pessimistic and pathetic like themselves..

I'm not in your shoes nor you were in mine, I respected the ground you stood on but I won't give an eye on your overrated ego.

My toughest goodbye at present time..

Always been expecting for this day to come where I'll finally leave her but they were right for saying the real pain is always 1,000 times much more pain than expectation.  I really doesn't want to say this goodbye but things that were never meant to be has to be apart...  This 3 years of dreams was very meaningful and meant a lot to me but waking up from it hurts like being stabbed deep into the heart.

I had to close this chapter, close all this dream that were never meant to be... Figuratively killing my heart and forcing it to forget those memories that I've forged for her.

Yesterday was the happiest day I ever had with her but each second that passed made me swallow my reality close to the heart.  I may not see her again, this goodbye could be forever and my heart just stopped for a little and yet I tried my best to enjoy the day with her.  Knowingly, my eyes will be like the raining sky when I had to see her leave... I hold it while biting my lips as hard as possible and showing her the smile to tell her I'll be fine.  I still managed to hug her for the last time because if I could, I really doesn't want to let go this person out of my life but there's just so much I wanted to do but so little I could do.

I'm break and shattered but this has all been expected, I'll just feel the pain while you'll continue your laughter.

Thank you for being part of my journey all this long but now, you'll have to detach me whilst me burying our memories deep down into my heart.. I hope the man whose going to walk to the aisle is gonna be everything you ever wanted..  I was not even close to being that man from the very start but all that I ever wanted to do is to keep you up high into the sky...  You deserve so much more than I could ever give.

I just hope that the person will love you more than I do..

Goodbye...

Waking up again

After years of fighting and struggling, I've finally managed to say goodbye to my blood and sweat-bathed courses.  I'm one step closer to get my Degree and I thought I can't wait to get over with all this sleepless night.  Yes, I know it's not the hardest of all but still, the process of evaluating the whole courses wasn't as easy as anyone could have expected especially those who have not worn my shoes.  People who worked early would told me how they secretly cried during sleep because of the piling stresses or some people from other people from other college/university would tear their brain out just to feel the breeze of freedom.

I say, "hey man, we all been through that shit and you're not doing this alone".  Levels of difficulty may seem different but the goals are the same, to live a better life but the definition for "a better life" is thoroughly distinct for each and every individual.  I do woke up at night thinking what the fuck is going to happen to my life if all those bad moments happen to me, it never escaped my mind... not even once.  I've always standing on one edge and at times I could enjoy the edge but not all the time, the thrill of knowing you'll fall down is fun but it sure is not for forever.  Winning over risk is great but losing can drain you down damn straight.

But the twist here... it's not just about me and the paper... I've found new things in my life, I've finally found my friends and peoples to put my humanity faith on.  Those who will found me when I fell off..  After years of lone living, I think I've found my packs but time is swift.  Sun will set, Happiness wouldn't last.  Moments of happiness became memories and this feeling might made us keep digging the past.  Fear not my fellow friends, for as long I breathed on, the days we used to laugh shall never fade.  I can't tell what's going to happen tomorrow but I pretty well sure that the moments we have been through will not be distorted.

Yes, people will change, direction will be different, point of view will be different, and thinking will be more adult-like. Do remember this, I'm at my eternal youth, I've pretty much changed to my final form.  Come back for me and we shall awaken those memories.  I'll always be the crazy fella that makes you think "How could such person exist?" because I can do so!

Just who am I becoming...

A thought suddenly struck over me that perhaps maybe it was because I was weak that I've decided to let go of things I've attempted to lift.  Or was it because I've already know that there's no point, the unforeseen future is already very obvious that I should have let go of it?  

I need more strength, I need to grow stronger than who I'm, I need to bear more burdens, only burdens will allow me to forever stay in constant growth.  Because peace will eventually weakens a person, I'll never find peace in my life for I'll keep pushing this body till it break and shatters.  Which really made me sounded like a masochist but I'm not entirely enjoying the pain but I just need more of pain, building up my scars so that pain will eventually become numb.

Under blind realisation, I'm growing into past of who I really was.  Having emotion was neither right nor wrong, it's what I've decided and therefore, I'll have no regret over it.  Regret are too late and not worth to be cried over.  Guess I'm really such person, thinking over the worst but facing it with positivity.  I doesn't measure fair but I balance discord and harmony within me..

I can be very cruel and very kind.. It's your call for who I ought to be to you.

A New Memory In a New Day

Dear 2013, marks the beginning of my newly life living out of something I hold on so close for years.. I've attempted to let go but still holding back it.. How would I know?

Well, see, I was sick during Chinese New Year and yes, for the first time in my life (or as far as I could recall), this is the first time I get sick during the Angpow-retrieving day.  I had food-poisoned because I ate the wrong thing, fortunately, it was me the only one who ate up all the things that was "poisoned" and luckily it was not other people.  I can take pain, I can endure it and I've did it.  

I was so sick that at a sign of relief, I'm just having nausea instead of diarrhoea, both are not comfortable but it's better to get your mouthed covered in puke that having your pants getting dipped in shit or whatever way you could imagine during a bad diarrhoea day.  Somehow, the nausea itself was so painful that my stomach ensures everything I ate came up before all the foods are fully digested... Even the gooey-juices came along and hell, it was so bitter and painful whenever I have to ooze the juices out.

When you're in pain, time suddenly becomes slow, more thoughts suddenly came into your mind.  At times of pain, most of the people would think of "I'm f*cking regretting for whatever is happening to me" but not me I guess, I don't regret over things that happened and I would just kept reminding myself not to do the same thing to myself... Well at least not eating the same thing at the same place. Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Until my whole body was weakened on the next day and my migraine struck back into me.  I've lost my appetite to eat and my whole body was cold and yet people told me my body was warm and hot.  Obviously, it's the sign of fever, wondering whether it's because I've not been sick for almost a year, I forgot how it was but the closest thing that came into my mind that related to food poisoning?  My Uncle's Death.

He died of food poisoning and of course his pain was much more severed than mine, otherwise, I wouldn't be typing now.  And brain just decided to recall my memories as if I was going to die due to all the symptoms I had by that moment was pretty much similar to days back before uncle went into coma..forever.  

And guess what, I recalled back all the days I was in love with her...  Just how sick am I going to be?

Just another way to fall

We all have a way to fall, yes, we do.

No matter how strong you've made yourself to be, there'll be a day where you'll be thrashed so hard that you wouldn't even recognise yourself.  Your personality will feel changes and the moment when you're lost, there'll be people who tell you where you should go but they just wouldn't know where will that place be.

And once you've started your journey from the burning ashes, you better be telling yourself that you're ready to take it all into you.  The higher you climb, the stronger it is the force that will pull you down, there's no horizontal stairs but only diagonal stairs waiting for you.  People that lives with pride always run up the stairs and fell off the hardest, while those who doesn't have pride climbed too slow and end up dying as nothing.  The importance is not to be the first, but to maintain constant up at the height.

There'll be people who tell you what they know about life but they just won't tell you how to live up to it.  Because we all had it differently and therefore, there's no proper way of saying you're living it right or living it wrong, we are the ones who define that particular meaning of what we have done.

We better wait for the moment that one day we will shine, and people will tell you what is yours but eventually taken away what is mine.  Because there'll be someone who give and someone who take, it's the cycle created to go on repetitively.  However, the wheels of life can be broken at times, and that's the moment where you found the real meaning.. Just keep looking out there, stay afloat as long as you can while there's a hole in your boat.

Lost and Found

Talking about losing something, I'm very certain we all have lost something in our life and found something else to regain what had been lost..  Somehow, is everything that we had lost can be found back and remain the usual way it used to be?

Through this recent time, I've lost a lot of things I had around me.  It just *poof-ed* and disappeared.. just like that... yeah, just as simple as that.  Though sometimes, the term of "lost" doesn't mean it has gone forever, it's still there, you can still see it, and you can still feel it.. but it's all different, things has changed.  Even if you could bring it back to you, even if you could pretend as if nothing ever happened, does the same feel remain pure?

"Let bygones be bygones", that's what I heard of what people usually said.  Was it really that easy to let go of something that doesn't belong to you?  You know you can't bring it back with you.  You know "it" deserves something better and yet you want to be by "it"'s side to protect it.  It's stupid, pointless, and suicide.  Yet you've insisted to hold up to "it"... until "it" disappears right in front of you and everything else around you suddenly became meaningless and dull.

At least this short few years, my life became colourful and I had a reason to stay strong to stand against my heavy odds...  However, some things can't remain forever isn't it.. Even if you've forged your heart to remain for "it", "it" will still leave you for no apparent reason.

Life is not a movie, things just happened for no reason, no one can explain and nobody can tell you why did it happened.  They will just be able to tell you to "Move on".  Years of journey together, does memories really disappeared that easily?  It's always easier to let go of me... So is the past...

Whether it was me who have decided to remove it or it was "it" that decided to let go...  I'm already at the helpless edge and there's nothing I could do anymore.  I've tried on holding it back but I realised, it wasn't me who's not trying... but "it" fell off the edge...

Blame it on fate or my karma, I don't know whether all this have been decided or else my beforelife might have been a bitch and now karma strikes this present.  Just how long do I have to keep losing things that I cared for in this life...? Just how much shall I lose until I can finally win back?

Grandfather's story

After all these years, I guess this was the very first time in my life that my grandfather ever told me so much about his story..  During the usual manner where me and my family will go to visit them, grandpa suddenly told my lil bro to enter the room where I was relaxing and he started to talk about stuff... Stuff that we don't usually hear from him.

Maybe it's the time that he thought we need to grow up that he need to share his experiences with us but I'm sure, my lil bro doesn't understand anything he was trying to tell as the stories that he told us was pretty much disintegrated.  

To cut things short, he basically tell us of how we should behave in the social life and the basic idea of gaining too much of ego is actually meaningless.  He went through a lot to come to this level of stability and serenity (well, excluding arguments with grandma of course).  Being one of those folks who have to endure poverty in order to survive, my grandpa was uneducated and he couldn't read but through that firm confidence, he was able to convince people despite of being challenged by those envious rank and file.

And then, it came in to my mind.. "Does it runs in the family?".  The way how he taught me to behave in life was exactly how I am all this long.  How things were observed, how things were to be done, how everything be controlled, and how decision were to be made.  Of course, I might not supersede what my grandpa did as he had a lifetime of experience whereas me, I just had all this thoughts and ploys running in my mind.. 

Probably it was those "Think too much" symptoms that everyone used to say it on me... but I never bother to change this stance of mine, because I know, someday, these so-called "think too much" will help me make decision.  I'm not sure how great I would be or how bad would I became, lets just hope that I can do it even better.

Sometimes, all you need in life is just some confidence.  It can change your life, Forever.

It's a cold day for a war..

If you've come into a situation, where you have to make a decision, never be afraid and don't ever be regret of doing what you've done.  Always learn to control the situation, find the corner of your game, and look right into yourself as well as who or what you're going to face.  We're always in control of the situation but we ought to let go of it because we were afraid, our heart was afraid to get hurt and so we ran off as soon as we felt threat.

Why, some people can be fearless?  They are not fearless, they are just being ready all the time.  The kind of people that others perceived as thinking too much.. People like me, I might have not seen any big scenario but then I've always tried my best to stick my back at the corner and face the incomings.  It's not to prove anything to anyone, no you're wrong.  At times when shits happen, it will most probably be the moment where nobody will be looking.

So, little sheep, are you going to run, or you're going to eat back the wolf?  

Stay back at the safe position will probably be the best idea, but then, maintaining the standby posture most of the time will always ensure one's ability to fight back.  At the field, not many had the chance to think long, if you've decided to think too long, your thoughts ought to outrun your decisions, you'll be too late in other words.  

When things happen, always learn to look from the different angle and look out for the leakage area.  The term "nothing is perfect" will always be the best motivation for you to penetrate a person's move and bind their move.  If you can't find the "3-moves-ahead", try finding your own weakness for that's where people will thrust on and start covering from there.

However, you can't always claimed victory and there was never an absolute winning streaks.  But to manage to breach a person's mind is what it takes, gaining your objectives and earning your victory can be both different things at times.  Forcing the others to change their way, can mean a lot for the future planning.

Are you ready to breach mine?

Forgive but not forget..

How long can you be angry of someone? How long can I be angry of someone?  I guess it varied not only based on gender but also on a person's personality.  I guess the longest time I can be angry of someone is only about less than a week.  It's a good thing that my anger doesn't last, but, an angry heart can easily be extinguished but can an injured heart recovered that fast?

I couldn't, I find very own best reason to forgive a person, but I couldn't forget the way I was treated, I wouldn't mind how others will think of, but I've cast my trust on you but what you've done to me had made me really disappointed and it crushed me eventually.  Those memories just died, and I wouldn't revoke my past anymore.  You've started to forgotten our memories, as predicted, people will eventually forget me despite how much we've been through.  

It just hurt so much on me this time, in the previous pasts, it doesn't hurt much, perhaps this time, I've put it up close to my chest then it accidentally stabbed right into the heart... Now, no words nor act of yours will cure me anymore, I doesn't want to be saved anymore, I want to re-enter my "void" form.  You've never seen me once I've close the chapter.  All that's left in our chapters, would be "friends".

My new year resolution; lets forget everything we've been through.  

Found a song.

The song and the lyrics both described life well~~ Enjoy it!!

Neither part of me is breaking..

Till now..  I've been trying so many things to put it off me... To prevent it from getting closer but I felt the helplessness and despair.  

Tried so many things to forget it but I still couldn't do it... but still I have to..

People say there are many ways to do things that will make you happier and make you forget about the sad things but why am I having so much difficulties even when I tried so many fun things...?

Tried to pretend

Tried to get drunk

Tried to go out with friends and had fun

Tried to entertain myself with motion pictures

Tried to be addicted to games again

Tried to be consulted by other people

Tried to move on

Tried to push my physical limits to the maximum

Tried to let the time passes on.. (it's been years...)

Still to no avail... I can still feel the fractured beat in me.  Just what can I do...? 

I really couldn't bear myself from keep seeing hope... I doesn't want to have hope nor mercy.

Just let it go.. Let it go....

The Empty Shell

I'm not strong enough, 

I'm weak;

My voice couldn't reach out to those who shall hear.

My Heart couldn't touch those who needed it.

I'm that empty shell that always misses the target,

Reloaded and shot,

Nothing was hit, but I made my purpose, 

I've been triggered and end my job.

To them, I'm just a shell, nothing else...

Try to give a meaning with a bang but end up as the bitter bits of dust.

Reaching out my hand to lift up their misery.

And they walked away happily while I bear their burden.

Smiled and it will be okay.. "Everything will be okay",

Hoping one day that people will see through my blood and tears.

Only to realise that ignorance can be really strong to humanity.

This is not a film, the kind one doesn't end up good,

They were only missed when they were gone.

Only when they were gone, people will tears and wished,

they know they've been fools and hoped for a time travel,

but they never changes, you still never realise them..

Triggered and Regretted...

That's how the kind person dies and the blessed remained.

Your purpose was to look helplessly as they left you,

So, don't feel guilty if you had your back on them.

Don't feel bad because you've changed,

One Wrong removes All Right.

But, I will hold on.... Shall I be gone, your tears worth naught.

You won't brought me back, and I doesn't want to be back.

I've done what I've supposed to... But how long does it take for you to feel it?

Chase

Ever think of why would you write blog with so many words and non of it ever mean anything to any other people and might not even mean something to yourself.. To be exact, that's how my blog was written, I thought I could write off everything in my heart out to my blog just to voice up all my happiness and sorrow but I was wrong.. 

The thing that I could only write is just all those hidden message because there are things that people should know and things that people should never know.  Then why insisted on writing things that nobody will understand?  Here's the part where I could at least make things a little bit more interesting, I'm hoping the 'me' in the future will look back and find back the person of how I've become.

However, I understand myself too well, I ain't even going to look back to myself in the future, I move on my life and I won't stop for obstacles.  I may have cracked and injured, but I won't keep looking back, I've no time to look back at all.  Though who knows, when the times comes, I might lose my memory and intends to google my own name to find clue of my ownself.

I believe I'll find back myself just like how I find myself in the very same situation... not to mention the similarities going through my blogs, that if you've read my old posts, you might as well need not to read the new one...  You can't become yourself because you're who you are in the circle.

You with your loyalty brings you out who you are today... You doesn't want to change, you welcomed change but you wanted the core the remain the same, you hoped that people could accept you for who you are but you realised it is all too soon for people to understand.

At countless beats of hearts, you tried to give up being who you really are but it's hopeless... You can't run from what's been fated.  Till the day you broke the chain, that would be the moment you've reached enlightenment.  Though you've never trusted the end, you've seek to do your best, not for yourself but for those who you really cared of, those who need you..  You'll be there for them and you'll never give them up.

You believe in love. and you'll chase back the memories..

Please let me go..

It was suppose to be a happy day for today but I think I had enough of my reality.. It's so suffocating breathing this air, it's so difficult to keep taking the breath, it kept giving me hope and took it off right infront of me.  I was granted with hope that I could never get and those golden words about grabbing the opportunity always doesn't apply to me.

They always say, you never try, you never know.  Do you know how many times have I tried?  You're the one insisted me to try and yet you're the one who gave me a chance and blew it off away right infront of me when I try to grab the chance.  I fell down, I stood back up, I fell again, and I kept standing back because I kept believing in the hope that you've talked about..  I had faith in hope, I kept persuading.. but the closer I come, the further hope is.. Yet it doesn't want to disappear, it kept lingering right infront of me like a bait to potholes..

Am I really that difficult to be accepted by people..  Why is everyone pushing me away and yet wanted me to come close?  Either you're being sarcastic or you're thinking that it's fun to see me suffer.  I rather people kill me with a straight answer "No" than telling me "Maybe".  I rather die in a quick kill than suffered in the wait while obviously knowing that there won't be a "Yes".

Now, I'm just a freak.. I just did everything for the others and it's totally abnormal, crazy, and stupid because in the end, nobody really does need me..  I just "coincidentally" added into the situation.  At the end of the day, people will forget me for what I've done, because I'm not that asshole that did so much for a girl just to win her heart, I did it so much because I wanted them to believe in hope..  I didn't want to ask for anything because I know I'll be forgotten either way..  I'm the worst..

It won't kept me for long, I still have to look for the hope... I still waiting for the day..  I still naively believe in it... I had to shattered to grow stronger..  I had to hate myself even more to achieve myself..  

Blink your eye again...

2012 is coming to an end and even my Advanced Diploma session is packing itself up but how far have I prepared myself to the whole new stage of life?  Where everything will need to be started back from scratches and the cycle of life is just about to be repeated again and again.  That I just had the same feeling the same thing will happen to me like how it happened in the end of my secondary school life.

Might not be the same person but might be the same situation.  There again the dice of fate rotating for me and I could almost feel like seeing how the outcome will turn out to be like.  I'll be saying goodbyes and then people will moves on with their own lives while me still straying my life out there struggling against the maze that I've made up.

Talk what about cycle of life after death... Now itself I'm feeling my life is like an old audio tape that keeps repeating itself all over again.  When can I ever get out from this cycle and live up normally like how I've always dreamt of?  Talk what about reaching high when all I could do is just stretching my legs and feel a bit taller than I should be?  Talk what about achieving my dreams when it's all never meant to be real?  

Just be good, stay calm, and wait till the sunsets and rises again...  I've already done what I could do to change my fate but yet to no avail, it's not that I doesn't want to turn the table, my opportunities wasn't here yet or peoples are not giving me the chances yet.  Right now, I'm just a growing seed waiting to be fertilized and watered, waiting the rightful one to pick it up.

Somehow, peoples do choose how does a person looks like than how does a people treat them like.  Being very good to a person only makes them suspicious when you don't look like the way you're supposed to be expected.  But if you're good looking, no matter what you did, you're yourself.  Only mouth will talk about how "appearance will fall but attitude will continue to grow" but who really did applied on it?

P/S - There are indeed those who doesn't choose appearance,

but apparently their attitude are even worst than their look...

Reality sucks but that's the way the cookie crumbles!

And for those who've chosen the best attitudes and also good looking, good for you and you have my blessings while even if they don't look good, it doesn't matter.  As I say, Attitude will continue to grow, it depends on how they could grow. 50/50~!

By her side..again

As promised, I tried my best to stay on no matter what happen.  There's no reason why I would continue doing so, not because of deep affection nor because of repaying any kind debts.  Something just tell me that I'll need to be by her side even if she don't need me yet I still wanted to be there for her.  At least for someone being literally close to her, there's something I can do to make her feel better.  

I might not be able to do much (as usual) but it doesn't mean I should abandon her when she is in need of someone to help.  Whether it's a promise I made to my own self or my own self created piece-of-principle.  And in order for me to make her smile more, all I have to do, is continue on putting the 'mask' that hides my reasons behind my acts.  Because nobody care who I am until I've decided to put on the 'mask'  (sounds familiar yet relevant).

I realised that peoples are more likely to be attracted by individuals who have a heart of sea where you can't see how deep does it goes rather than those that can be easily seen and predicted.  I'm both predicted and unpredictable.  My magic works like a mirror where your action will decides my reflection on you.  Some people will thought that I'm predictable and they tried to step over me but end up tripping up high, some people thought that I'm unpredictable and I perform something obvious.

It's all part of the play but for her...  It's a play with full emotion that can't be exhaled.

Life as one

Apparently, recently, Facebookers been sharing the articles about the old couples whereby the old husband build a 6000-steps stairs for his deary wife to easily climb up the mountain.  This romantic event eventually triggered the inspiration of this Hong Kong drama entitled 天梯 (The Last Steep Ascent).

Not meant to relate myself to this story but then when I was very young (around 6-7 years old) back then, I always had this weird dream where I was this old man who live at the base of a mountain alone.  I had my own farm and I build my own house.  Everyday, I'll climb up to the mountain and carve something on it which I've no idea what was it but the dream was so realistic that I had that dream for more than 5 times.  I even mumbled something about "repaying the kind debt in the next life" stuff.  

I know I sounded pretty lunatic and... in a sane way, I'll just say kids' imagination can go pretty wild at times and I think I went a bit too far in imagining but what gives, it seems real.

Sometimes, I would think of that as my past life that I've get tired about living in the society and I prefer to live on alone without being related to any conspiracy spreading out from the communities.  History never really changes that much for humanity, only the method of approaching is different.  So, does it come to you that in this life, you want to do something else to make a change? 

Our capabilities can be very small and unworthy to be compared to any other person who's stronger than us, but as long as we tried to do it our very best, does it matter of our value to others?  At one point, you might be a rubbish for this particular individuals but at another point, you're priceless to the others.  

Perhaps, today, nobody sees who you really are nor appreciate what you really did, don't rush it, you still have time till someone sees you and if worst come to worst, you'll only be missed when you're dead, well, this happens a lot to many people.  At least, you'll still live on in some people memories which is better than dying as a nobody.

And yes, I'm here today, because I'm about to repay someone's kindness.  Probably not now but the coming future will bears the answers I'm seeking for.

Tears.

Have you ever watched a movie and feels touched deep down that you eventually cried it out like a baby.. Well, not as bad as a baby but you realised the tears won't stop flowing down.  

To be frank, I had never watched such movie that could made me had this feeling but there's this particular Anime that made me felt so (yes, an anime, a Japanese cartoon).

It made me think about it, that cartoon wasn't necessary to be something that only kids can watch, there are certain anime that were made to reach people with their own message.  They had their own storylines and as long as it related to the reality, it makes you think about it.  The anime that I was talking about is Clannad: After Story.  

It was an anime full of slice of life which tells the story of a couple that started out their relationship through their youthful highschool life till the moment they faced life as adults.  Each episode of this anime is filled with deep emotional message and I could swear I could feel tears in my eyes almost every episode nearing the end.  Perhaps it was because I'm still living in my youth that I could felt how sad it was to be placing myself in the shoes of the characters in the anime.

At least I get to know that I'm not really that cold-hearted after all after watching this...

For the least, I still agree it will never be easy to achieve a simple life..  Pure happiness is impossible unless you cherish your everyday life.

The Run of Life

Last Saturday, it was a crazy day for me whereby I've done few things at once and I thought I might fail but I still managed...   I've seen and heard peoples talking about getting hangover in a day and get working few hours after.  Guess I had my first time too in getting hangover and run a 10km marathon in the next few hours.  

It was stupid and there's nothing good to be proud of, I just felt how idiotic I am for not taking good care of my body and spamming the booze into my body.. I had that particular need for the booze but I shouldn't have submit it into my body to let them feel the pain.  After the few hours of sleeping, I woke up at the urge to continue my uncomfortable vomiting and thinking of whether I can make it to continue my run.  

And.... I suffered for the choice I made.  Well, that was pretty "great" but it was good enough to assure me to never did the same thing again.  I've endure the pain in my stomach and successful made the 10km run.  Although the whole Nike Run wasn't well-organised where a lot of problem happened, but I guess I still had a good run.

I see the importance of motivation in keeping us running in life.. Equivalently same in this marathon, I was motivated by the other runners to continue my jog even though I had difficulties as my stomach felt very unwell after the hangover but you see, a person fully-motivated is like being hypnotised.  They could ignore everything and adrenaline rush to the goals.  I had those motivation and it was wonderful...

As pervert as it sounds, yes, I was chasing pretty girls as soon as they pass by me and it was really motivating to keep me running.  Moments of giving up just straight away disperse away from my mind but at the same time, I needed songs to be played to keep me continuing as well too.

Achieved the end line at the mark of 1 hour 26 minutes (although me and my runner-buddies knew) we were much earlier than that for if there weren't problems occurred as soon as we started the run.  We were suppose to be 10 minutes earlier but I don't think racing the time is my main priority.  I've completed the whole race and I knew it well, I was pretty sick and I still made it.  It was the achievement only I'm concerned of and only I care.  

At least until the end, I didn't fall apart and shattered at the roadside and giving up the whole event.  I've stronger passion for my goals than what I think I had it in me.. At least I indirectly proved to those cover-judges that they were wrong.