Unbeatable, Unbreakable, but I'm not Invincible

I've told myself to be strong..
I've told myself to go through the pain...
I've told myself that everything will be fine....
But what had happened at that very moment.....
Have totally shattered my heart.. of all the person, even you would treat me this way..
Even you've betrayed me...
I've lost everything again and again....
Maybe, I don't deserve to own anything at all.....
It should be gone, even if can't, it should be..
At that moment, I really wish I could be just disperse into the air and never exist....
But I know, there's more life harder than mine...
Somehow, I had it enough, this time, I'm still going to make the smile.

Thanks for supporting me, Jessie, Joe Jian, Justin, and Ida too...edit: thanks to Vinni too!!
Maybe either of you wouldn't get it why am I thanking to you all....
I just want to thanks for everything.. Every single words that you all have lay on me makes me felt who I am..

And I'm sincerely apologising to Lily, Anne, Phoebe, Suiheong(about the treat thingy), and Michele. I'll want to be alone and away from everything..

I want to be gone.. gone again, and again, even if can't I still want to..
But I'll live on..

When they say the sky is the limit..It's true

Last Wednesday was one of the day tht I felt really proud of myself... after so many changes that I've tried... I guess, this is really the right thing I've done so far..
That means... I'll remain like how I am from now on.. till time can never tell..
Why do I say so, oh well, I've done a real good job during my presentation and va'la.. I totally impressed the teacher and for a big possibility that I'll be chosen to do more speech in my 2nd sem.

It's unbelievable that I could change this much in a short while, since last time, when I was standing infront of the crowd, I couldn't give out a word at all and right now...I felt the stage belongs to me.. and I just say it all out and give the crowd an amazing presentation.
Too bad there's no proof to prove my words but based on the marks tht I'll get for my presentation, that'll be the best prove~

and the marks I get is currently the highest compared to other schools for this sem.. so how does tht sounds? ahahaha, not that I meant to lanci but I'm really happy, for those who know me in secondary school, you guys should remember how lame I was when I step infront of the crowds.
And when I finally could do it.. the feeling of happiness is really totally different..
I'll do my best again and again~!

Something that can be feel but can't be feel...

I have enough of everything... really do, I really do have enough... Yes.. the person I meant to change is the person who really had enough with everything around me..
It's pointless being emotional (though I think I didn't attempt to) but it's really no point waiting for someone to care about me myself.. I'll never think of needing anyone anymore..
Saving others is better than waiting to be saved.
Please... move on.... Close this heart.. and move on...
If they say you can choose in your life... it's all a lie... not everything is within your choice...
sometimes things are already determined... it's just within your range of views..
that's why it works out just like a miracle when it happened in a good way or an accident when it happened in a bad way..
Don't worry, live through it, fate is still beyond our hands...
Must live through.. even if can't, still have to...
Just hear the echoes and let it gone into the rabbles...
I know it will...

Talent Time Night...

phew... yesterday was a great experience I had in TARCollege and it's undeniable great and impressing (comparing to my High-School-Musical Wannabes in Secondary school), no offense to my secondary schoolmates but it's really sucky and unoriginal at all... Maybe amateurs and youth have different ways of spicing things up... I certainly dislike amateurs entertainments and more on to youth's entertainments... If want to compare, it's a Sky and Earth comparison.
To those who felt offended, I'm sorry to state out this disappointment but the truth is always hurt right.
Talent Time Night:~
Yeap, that's what the event name was and I felt that their talent is really great like dancing,singing, sexies,emcees,instrumentalist~ they really got me Wow~ but though if want to compare overally, I rated this event 7/10 because of some flaw. oh well, nothing is perfect.
Too bad I couldnt capture any picture. since my camera is a cheap one, I could only capture darkness in there. Anyhow, it's a memory that's almost unforgettable. I'm sure I could see better scenes anyway.

Back to back, right now... I'm sick again damn it~
Which eventually cancelled many activities of mine.. jeez, talking bout unlucky... this year is really bad for me!!

Wondering...

Living right now...
Seeing the days pass by me and only I knew that there's nothing much I can do for anything anymore...
Eliminating every possible values of emotion.
Ceasing chance to have back my feelings..
Be lost and never found.
I know that if I don't do things for myself, no one else would.
Why need someone to care when even if you tell them your problem, all they can do is just to tell you "I can't help you, you have to help yourself".
So, I doesn't need anymore of concerns... I will still concern bout the people beside me but I certainly doesn't need anymore of you. I doesn't want to put a hope to you and hoping you will help me whenever I need you... I've been betrayed and abandoned too many times, I can't take it anymore... I'm tired... I never thought even you will abandoned me like anyone else..

I'm closing my heart....
I'll wear this mask and bound myself to normal state..
Thanks... and Goodbye

Looking at the man in the mirror...

The King of Pops, Michael Jackson had fallen out from the list of his convictions...
Everyone was hoping that he would rest in peace...
Is it really possible for someone to rest in peace while so many problems had run through him...
Can someone sleep in a well mannered when they had so many problems running through their mind...?
Death isn't the best way to run from problem, you just run out from you life.

As a reflection, I'll just bound to this chance to change my life once more..
This would be the 3rd time I make a change.
What kind of personality will I equip to myself this time?
Simple, not the usual me anymore...
still treating people the same way but the main idea that is...
I doesn't want anyone to know what's hidden within me.. that should spice things up a bit dont they.
Mysteries thrills everyone~
A tribute for My lifetime favourite singer, Michael Jackson, Man in the mirror. This songs meant so much for me, especially now.



Lyrics~
I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.

Another day...

Well, today is like one of the most busiest day after the horrifying yesterday which causes me almost collapse.. My whole body trembled unstoppably and I finally could sleep by that moment, I could felt how tired was my body but then my mind is wide awake... So, when you my recent blog, it's really like a lunatic typing blog... oh well, since when I'm not loony?
Anyhow, today is a bust-of-life... start with a test, then class, class, class, and finally, a role play for english class.
The most interesting part... of coz is the last part, "Save the best for the last".. even I'm totally exhausted yet I still make one hell of show for my fellows and my teacher~
I played a role of a son who's convincing their parents to allow me to go Cameron Highlands with my friends.. Too bad, there's no one recording this role play, they were sleepy I guess (so not weird to be that tired). Somehow, from what my friend say, I've made a lot of emotions and it's like I'm an actor (standard la, I stand on a drama stage before man~). However, when it comes to my real life.... There's not a emotion I can determine is me.... Or is it not... I can't find that out...
I'm just like a phantom with its Masquerade... yeap, let me present to y'll...

Naitomea - Masquerade