Keep it Going, huh?

Days ago, I had a friend who asked me, "What motivates you?" (as in asking me why did I work up) but it reflected on me otherwise, as in I heard of her asking me what motivates me to keep moving on.  Seriously, right now, I don't think there's any thing that really motivates me anymore as seemingly I've let go of what I cared and important to me.  And I thought I'm ready to start anew right after I've removed the ex-feelings but I knew I was wrong, it's always not easy to let off the things you tried so hard to lift up and let go right away.

A sort of aftermath came along when you let it off, although she might not know anything about it; these emotional damages just come overtime on me and became more and more self-inflicted.  My friends ought to tell me now that "You're just thinking too much" but you've no acknowledgment over me in removing thoughts that doesn't belong to my mind.  I tend to push away things that I doesn't want to look at anymore.

However, my precious mind just wouldn't let me off, perhaps my pain should be more severe than this?  Those random relevant thoughts suddenly came up my mind in the and it goes exhausted in the middle of the night.  It hurts so much but I've been through this, I can make it up...

For what?

I don't have a reason to be alive yet I don't have a reason not to stay alive.  I doesn't want to live my life under burdens pressured by people can't letting me off.  You will have to let me go, you know you have to.  Be it if I'm alive nor am I dead.  You can't make promises with me because I can see through things that don't last.  You might think it's a comfy words to make me feel better but attention is not what I wanted from you.  I wanted to see if you have the wills to live up against the words you convey towards me.  People might as well be thinking "Hey this is reality, nobody cares for another out-of-the-blue promises".  What do I seems like someone longing for attention and not you longing for me to expect kindness from you?

You just didn't realize the importance of keeping up with your promises, some people really think through it when you've said it out to us. Especially me, I cared a lot about what people say to me.  Not that I want to become what people expected of me, but if it's within my strength, I want to give out to people.

Don't you think some people deserved to have their faiths rewarded?

A Trap with Love..

I always wondered what will I be doing when I realize I'm in love..

Will I fight for her? As in I was always the one who told my friends to fight for what they believe in, fight for the one they loved; 

"If you're chasing a single women, you'll have many competitions with those who's going after her; but if she's coupled with another person, you'll have only ONE competitor."

Isn't it awkward when you're the one giving advice and ending up falling for the same symptoms of love?  Over 5 person I've fallen for and 4 of them were eventually belonged to someone else. Guess I must have one hell of a taste over love.  Even though I'm not capable of doing anything nor am I having the intention to let her feel my feelings, she's way better off without me.. Though the most important part would also be that she enjoyed falling in love with the man of her life, it doesn't matter who would it be.  And I'll just do my usual routine, being there for her whenever she'll need me.  Guess the level of stupidity for love is divided by zero for this one but what gives...  I need that love feeling to keep me alive, because it was this feeling of love that makes me feel alive.

-Falling for it again.

P.S - Things just kept repeating in a cycle for me, but I believe this cycle will come to an end.. It MUST!

If it doesn't kills you, it can help you..

A person tends to know that they are lucky is by throughout the moment they were struck by numerous misfortune and still breath at the end of the day.

The tides has changed but the feelings of the shattered and wounded heart remained.  I doesn't want to turn back the time to know what I could change, I want to forward the time to know what will happen next and I can't wait for it to happen, regardless of whether it's suppose to be good or bad.  Keeping it too long for me in my heart would not be good to my heart, not even a bit.

Consider it the sort of optimism that I've always had in me, I don't regret with the choices I made in my life, and I don't even want to think about how much I should have not done something that turns out bad.  It's mistake that lets me learn from my wrong and it also allows me to improvise.  If I were to live a life without fall, I would be the happiest idiot rather than the saddest smarty.

"Why do we fall down; so that we can learn how to climb back up"

 I may be a positive person, but I rather attract more negative things to me (if you take it as science, you'll know that electrons are attracted to proton)  and so, I've started to consider myself as a strong proton and the misfortunes that happened on me are those electrons held up by a special nuclear force.  Unfortunate  events do happen to me quite often and although it might not be a fatal one but it's enough to mentally damage my heart.

I have the strength to pull it up against me but it is only about a matters of time before I entirely tripped and never woke up from the misery.  Take it on me that I've been thinking too much, but if I could be in a better place, I'll not be hurting my mind by doing this to myself.  I really wish that I could make things turn out better. 

"I don't believe in forever, especially those that will threaten the way I stand upon my life"

Where is the promised happiness?

"Tired me is as usual, aimlessly strolling around the lake, under a tree.  Crying, weak, tears flow like river, nobody is around."

- a Dream.

 

"Do you still remember the promised that you made on me, that you'll be there for me when no others will be?  When I'll be alone, you'll accompany me, when nobody will love me, you will.. I thought you were just one of the few good girl friends that I used to have.. but I was wrong, I fell for you eventually.. and then, that's where I found my kryptonite that weakens me.  Now, you're going on with your happy lives and I still belongs to the promised land that had never meant to exist."

- a Story

"Here I am, wanted to tell you so much that I've never forgot about you, I've never abandoned you, I've always been by your side but who am I to you now..?  Only a friend that you used to know, a friend who is far behind the closet that you don't even need anymore.  I tried to bring back the bonds, I didn't give up, I tried so hard, I even broke apart and my heart shattered into pieces when I saw how you perceived my value to you... I've attempted to go out with you but why would it be so hard for me to ask you out but it's so easy for the others to get you out? My timing wasn't wrong.. I made it right, but this also allows me to see who I am really to you?.."

- a Reality

  "Normal people will ask me to stop believing and to never fall for such person who will never look at you.  However, deep down in them, I know you know that falling in love with a people and knowingly you can't be with them but you insist to be there for them just to ensure they can be happier, even you can't hold their hands, and even you can't be old with them isn't easy at all.  You'll feel suffocated deep down inside, Love is not like a plug where you can unplug it to stop it.  You just need to keep believing in it and don't give up, but when you've started doubting about it, that's where you started to shattered deep down inside"

- a Believe

 "I don't expect you to remember anything about me, I don't expect you to know that I'll be fine and I don't expect you to care about me.  Just be there to let me love you, but this belief is about to collapse..  but it's okay, it's okay.  Where ever you will be in the near future, I hoped you'll remember, that there was once a man who promised to always be there for you and he will hold it till you've forgot about him." 

- a Promise

Every step that I will take...

Actually, though I might have talk about love stuff all the time, I'm not exactly sure how far and how much I know about myself towards love stuff. It's like, I know I can jump boat anytime I want and get a hook on another person anytime I want. Some may say that it's because I'm afraid to fail again and that's why I don't dare to fall in love anymore but I really want to assure those who think that I'm the kind that can never forget about ex-lovers or just afraid for new feelings, you're wrong. I'm always up to a new and real relationship, and once I put my feelings on it, I pour my heart in it as well and when I realise the seed is not going to grow, I stop 'watering' the plant and I started to look for new seed.

Though there will be still a part of me left within them as an assurance that I'll be there for them, you see, I really can't stop myself from pampering ladies or things I love. That's why people ought to think when I started to become strict over my stuff, they thought I'm joking. Somehow, like a dog, my loyalty has it own limits, if people tend to ignore and doesn't show a bit of concern about me, my loyalty ends there at once. No point throwing yourself to people who wouldn't want to take a look at you.

I'll always believe that someday, my day will come and my life will be filled with another piece of puzzle. Though it's boring and tiring to keep waiting like that, it doesn't matter. I've already waited for years, and for sure I can wait for it any longer than I expected myself can bear.

I will start to make changes step by step just like how I did before, I just need to reclaim back my perseverance and keep FIGHTING!

How Real is Real...

Times when someone hope that their dreams should be reality whereas reality is better off to be dreams, then you should have realised that you're considering this because you have nothing left in this Reality, but is it true? We, the fortunate ones should be considering every day is a gift and because we have something that we think it's n

ecessary for us to have and make it as a "normal" life, it doesn't mean it's not important anymore.

If you ought to always compare to other's life of how complete they are, you're not being fair because you're not comparing yourself who is less fortunate than you. You always look forward for good things to happen to you and that's what make you vulnerable for your weaknesses to be penetrated and injure you from time to time.

It's time to stand up, stop lying on the ground for too long, you need to peak on the hole above you and keep looking, you can't see it, doesn't me

an it's no there.

Wherever I go, rumours follow...

One of the cons of me walking out of my old life. Must I like really go through all this in my single status? Can't I be like, the lone wolf who hunts alone at the darkest hour or some sort of stuff like that?? Although, I will do whatever it takes to be in relationship, but I prefer a mutual feelings than to be startled by rumours. I'm not that pity and pathetic am I?

Alright, I take it that people wouldn't believe how would my girlfriend would be like as my stupid attitude makes me unbelievably stupid.. It's hard for people to understand that, I'm not the kind of guy girls will think of and just the sight of me will make them think "Impossible!!".

I ain't being negative about this sort of judgement, look, I understand how ridiculous and annoying I am. I'm just closing my trace. I don't need to let people know who I cherished,loved, and cared. All I want to do is just to continue letting her be happy. I'm closing any trace that will come close to her, I could do as far as I could as this is me being selfish.

Knowingly people will convince me to go for her, I know what I'm capable of doing and I can't be the one to make her feel complete. I don't feel tired at all continuing like this, as this won't be forever, soon, I'll have my own place to start my own story.

This is just to clarify stuff, I'm cool and awesome.

and I don't feel emotional at all.
Because there are things,

we men should do for

the one we love.