Lost and Found

Talking about losing something, I'm very certain we all have lost something in our life and found something else to regain what had been lost..  Somehow, is everything that we had lost can be found back and remain the usual way it used to be?

Through this recent time, I've lost a lot of things I had around me.  It just *poof-ed* and disappeared.. just like that... yeah, just as simple as that.  Though sometimes, the term of "lost" doesn't mean it has gone forever, it's still there, you can still see it, and you can still feel it.. but it's all different, things has changed.  Even if you could bring it back to you, even if you could pretend as if nothing ever happened, does the same feel remain pure?

"Let bygones be bygones", that's what I heard of what people usually said.  Was it really that easy to let go of something that doesn't belong to you?  You know you can't bring it back with you.  You know "it" deserves something better and yet you want to be by "it"'s side to protect it.  It's stupid, pointless, and suicide.  Yet you've insisted to hold up to "it"... until "it" disappears right in front of you and everything else around you suddenly became meaningless and dull.

At least this short few years, my life became colourful and I had a reason to stay strong to stand against my heavy odds...  However, some things can't remain forever isn't it.. Even if you've forged your heart to remain for "it", "it" will still leave you for no apparent reason.

Life is not a movie, things just happened for no reason, no one can explain and nobody can tell you why did it happened.  They will just be able to tell you to "Move on".  Years of journey together, does memories really disappeared that easily?  It's always easier to let go of me... So is the past...

Whether it was me who have decided to remove it or it was "it" that decided to let go...  I'm already at the helpless edge and there's nothing I could do anymore.  I've tried on holding it back but I realised, it wasn't me who's not trying... but "it" fell off the edge...

Blame it on fate or my karma, I don't know whether all this have been decided or else my beforelife might have been a bitch and now karma strikes this present.  Just how long do I have to keep losing things that I cared for in this life...? Just how much shall I lose until I can finally win back?

Grandfather's story

After all these years, I guess this was the very first time in my life that my grandfather ever told me so much about his story..  During the usual manner where me and my family will go to visit them, grandpa suddenly told my lil bro to enter the room where I was relaxing and he started to talk about stuff... Stuff that we don't usually hear from him.

Maybe it's the time that he thought we need to grow up that he need to share his experiences with us but I'm sure, my lil bro doesn't understand anything he was trying to tell as the stories that he told us was pretty much disintegrated.  

To cut things short, he basically tell us of how we should behave in the social life and the basic idea of gaining too much of ego is actually meaningless.  He went through a lot to come to this level of stability and serenity (well, excluding arguments with grandma of course).  Being one of those folks who have to endure poverty in order to survive, my grandpa was uneducated and he couldn't read but through that firm confidence, he was able to convince people despite of being challenged by those envious rank and file.

And then, it came in to my mind.. "Does it runs in the family?".  The way how he taught me to behave in life was exactly how I am all this long.  How things were observed, how things were to be done, how everything be controlled, and how decision were to be made.  Of course, I might not supersede what my grandpa did as he had a lifetime of experience whereas me, I just had all this thoughts and ploys running in my mind.. 

Probably it was those "Think too much" symptoms that everyone used to say it on me... but I never bother to change this stance of mine, because I know, someday, these so-called "think too much" will help me make decision.  I'm not sure how great I would be or how bad would I became, lets just hope that I can do it even better.

Sometimes, all you need in life is just some confidence.  It can change your life, Forever.

It's a cold day for a war..

If you've come into a situation, where you have to make a decision, never be afraid and don't ever be regret of doing what you've done.  Always learn to control the situation, find the corner of your game, and look right into yourself as well as who or what you're going to face.  We're always in control of the situation but we ought to let go of it because we were afraid, our heart was afraid to get hurt and so we ran off as soon as we felt threat.

Why, some people can be fearless?  They are not fearless, they are just being ready all the time.  The kind of people that others perceived as thinking too much.. People like me, I might have not seen any big scenario but then I've always tried my best to stick my back at the corner and face the incomings.  It's not to prove anything to anyone, no you're wrong.  At times when shits happen, it will most probably be the moment where nobody will be looking.

So, little sheep, are you going to run, or you're going to eat back the wolf?  

Stay back at the safe position will probably be the best idea, but then, maintaining the standby posture most of the time will always ensure one's ability to fight back.  At the field, not many had the chance to think long, if you've decided to think too long, your thoughts ought to outrun your decisions, you'll be too late in other words.  

When things happen, always learn to look from the different angle and look out for the leakage area.  The term "nothing is perfect" will always be the best motivation for you to penetrate a person's move and bind their move.  If you can't find the "3-moves-ahead", try finding your own weakness for that's where people will thrust on and start covering from there.

However, you can't always claimed victory and there was never an absolute winning streaks.  But to manage to breach a person's mind is what it takes, gaining your objectives and earning your victory can be both different things at times.  Forcing the others to change their way, can mean a lot for the future planning.

Are you ready to breach mine?