Tiring as it is

As usual, there's not a day my stupid head is not think of something... The past just keep spurting out to me. Once again I realised, how selfish I had been.
When I think and think again and again about all of these, I saw my own foolishness. I didn't see it the way I'm seeing it last time, it was my fault. I'm sorry, I doesn't know why I'm giving out the moral yet I've done it in the past.. What am I doing? Is it really too late for me to realise this all, is there not a chance I could fix it?

Through many people's advice and agreement, I've tried to feel better when one of the most precious thing I had in heart was gone. They say it wasn't my fault that I shouldn't bear it in heart.
Somehow, right now, when I try to see it through another angle, I realised, I might not be the victim... Maybe she was too, I never realise that...until now..

I'm so pathetic at this state right now... I see why friends are so important for some persons.. Why I never get to notice that... Was it because I never felt that warmth until now? I know how she felt, and I think I understand... but... everything, is still not happening the way it should be..
What should I do now?

What's done is done...I wake up now and I'm seeing clearer things about my SIN.. Does that change anything? What should I do...? I'm going to start and turn over a new leaf once again... See how things work out...

P/S - I know that, I these days always sounded so emo, but, I'll just say thanks for reading, I just want to speak out for my heart. I want to make a change... I really want to...

New Face, New Appearance??

A'ight today just went to have my face surgery(?), so-called surgery because I went to fix fix my troublesome pimples that seems to be worsen. The 1 hour being there is like... face stabbing man.
Now, my face is damn red, all those pimples had been clear out and I suffered for quite long leh.

But hopefully it'll turn out to be good once my face recovered. I rely to my face to find salary de mah xD.

In the mood to go for the prom night on 29th Nov~!!

So, What's Love for me?

If based on my recent post, I said that, if I treat you nice, doesn't mean I'm in love.
So, what does it takes to people to know that I'm in love with them??
Well, don't figure out how I'll fall in love, that's the best answer I could give.
I know it's like I've said nothing for all this but it's the truth.
Sometimes I do play the role of Love Doctor(ineffective as it may be) but to be honest, I myself doesn't even know what's Love...

I just know... Love is a many many stupid things. It makes you go mad, it makes you lost, it makes you know what's pain and what's agony.
However, the most important of all about love that is... For me... I just want to see the person I love to live happily be it with or without me. Mostly without me though, a number of them had left me and I see they are better off without me and some, I just silently pour love in shadow, not because I'm a coward to not confess... I just know what I'm doing.

¿LUNatism? - Be it I might be in Stygian or Luminous, hesitant can trust me, for I have the slight virtue to avail.

P/S - I know all this sounded like plain white lies, somehow, I've said it, I'll try to do it with all my might~ This, I promise myself to do so!

Know what you should know

It was just recently that I get to hear a shocking news that's related to me.
While in the middle of assignment discussion, this one friend of mine(PP), suddenly talked bout personal perception and it's me, PP was talking about.
The question PP asked me was rather weird that's
"What's wrong with you?" "Why are you so weird?" "I think you have attitude problem" & many more which make me like kinda doubt what is happening.
Then, PP asked me that "Will you be hurt if I tell you something harsh?".
When PP said that, it really got into my interest that someone is finally willingly to stand up to tell me what's my problem.

Guess what? PP was asking me "There's someone that dislike you, you know?", then I just reacted the usual way "I don't find it weird cause I don't expect to be liked by everyone" and out of wondrous, I asked "Who's that? WW? ZZ? XX?".

With my psychological questioning, I get to know who's the person that's disliking me.
A'ight.... QUIZ TIME~!!! Guess what's the reason I'm being disliked by that person (A girl).


Ding Ding Ding....
The reason that is...
She(XX) thinks I'm in love with her because I keep playing with her and XX thought that I knew she was single that's why I keep playing with her~!!
You wouldn't know how surprised I am when I heard PP told me this.
Look, I played with almost everyone in the class and everyone knows that I'm not that close with PP and I'm rather much more closer with some other girls. I treat them like brothers and sisters. The worst thing that is, I didn't do full direct contact with XX at all~!! I didn't sms, didn't chat, didn't do nothing except playing with them in the class.

Out of nowhere, I was misunderstood by her that I was in Love with her?! Oh Come on!!!
If just a few kind of foolish act I did on you, doesn't mean I'm in love ok~!! Even CC also told me, "I think you're much more closer with DD compare to XX, I don't know why XX will think that way..."

At the end, I asked PP again... "So, what's was my problem then?", Then PP said "No ar, nothing wrong, you're just 小气 sometimes...."
Frankly speaking, I only 小气 on certain people.
Any other way, I'll set a barrier from XX to ensure no more misunderstanding then.

P/S - Not because I treat you good means I want your love, this is my way of Gentleman ok~!!

Dull...

I enter the competition with a heart that's not so willingly but I still try my best as what I've promise that I'll do. With slight expectation, I won the first round easily but right now, things are getting tougher and tougher that I think I might get crazy out of it. Pidato? Me? Standing in front crapping words? LoL... I bet the me in my past wouldn't believe that this will happen.

That's what I want for me myself, being unpredictable in the future. I never see how things go, I just want to feel how everything end. What brings me to this? Faith.. AGAIN.

A promise is a promise, I promised you, I'll try my best to achieve the dream. Though there's no guarantee for forever. I shall never give up no matter what and of course, you yourself shouldn't be giving up too. This faith of mine, will always be a gift to you because I want to save you out from the dark to never be like me.

Always know what you want for your life. Things might be complicated, but if it isn't complicated, you'll never know how a good life feels like~ Right?

Sayuri Sugihara - Kimi ga Irukara (Because of you)

Up, up, Away!!

I can't deny it, the movie, UP is really like the best animation of the year I've watched.
The story is damn inspiring and I'm so loving the theme soundtrack (Married Life). It's really a creative and touching heart kind of soundtrack. I'm really satisfied watching it. I even felt so touched seeing how this stories ended. Though of course stories usually ended with happy ending, but this ending is really special.... Wow, come to think of it...
All this still end with the word LOVE.

It's the kind of story that tells me how Love can change up one's life.
I'll never give up my Love even if I have to give away everything.. I know all these are words, but if I dare to say it... I'll use the all of me to ensure my words come real. I'm a Man of my words~!

After having some conversation with a friend of mine, I realised that Love can sounded so unreal. "If it's love, why there's tears of sadness?" I asked this question for her.
You know what, one day, when you really see the Real Love, it won't be this.
What makes me so sure? Because I believe it, I believe Love won't be just merely sacrifices for happiness. It's Miracles that brings Love, Not Love Brings Miracles.

That's why, I'll bring you to this song... This is it by Michael Jackson (Loving it!!)