Friday, April 26, 2013

A gift or a curse..

We've all see in movies of how people have extraordinary skill or psychic to read through people's mind and I'm sure there's a moment where people would hope they can have this sort of ability to see through a person's heart... The fact, it doesn't require anything supernatural or brain superiority growth, sometimes, you just need to be more observant.

Many years back, I've learnt pretty much some basic skills of being observant to tell if a person is lying and their motives of lying.. Until present day, it's obvious, still nobody takes me seriously but I'm okay because it's kind of good that you could grow from within and no one sees nor understands you.

I've gotten much more sharp to look through a person's heart and even predicting their reaction.  People still call it as thinking too much and yet it's all pure silence whenever I'm correct, that's how sucks reality is, nobody care if you're right as long they're still looking down on you.  I understand how that feels and that is why I always kept my circles small around me, it made me easier to scout my visions and unleash from a blind spot.

Somehow, as awesome as it sounds, when you look into the eyes of the person you care of and they are opening their lies towards you... Just how painful could it have been when you know they are lying and yet because you just love them too much that you doesn't want to break it out into them and all you could do is to believe in their "truth".

I've been there before and I'm going to go through it again...  My resolution will still became the same, I'll become the asshole who ruined everything and every memory.  I can't take it easily because I doesn't want to close my eyes and open it again just to think about the past, I'm over it. I need to walk away from repetition of history and I can't always stand around.

Until now, I'm still not sure if knowing what a person is thinking was really that great... Like I said before, the moment when you felt helpless and all you could do is to watch sufferings, you'll know how despair tasted like...  Stronger people see me as someone who's optimistic, normal people see me as someone who's been into a lot of shitholes because of bad luck, and the weaker ones will always think I'm as pessimistic and pathetic like themselves..

I'm not in your shoes nor you were in mine, I respected the ground you stood on but I won't give an eye on your overrated ego.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

My toughest goodbye at present time..

Always been expecting for this day to come where I'll finally leave her but they were right for saying the real pain is always 1,000 times much more pain than expectation.  I really doesn't want to say this goodbye but things that were never meant to be has to be apart...  This 3 years of dreams was very meaningful and meant a lot to me but waking up from it hurts like being stabbed deep into the heart.

I had to close this chapter, close all this dream that were never meant to be... Figuratively killing my heart and forcing it to forget those memories that I've forged for her.

Yesterday was the happiest day I ever had with her but each second that passed made me swallow my reality close to the heart.  I may not see her again, this goodbye could be forever and my heart just stopped for a little and yet I tried my best to enjoy the day with her.  Knowingly, my eyes will be like the raining sky when I had to see her leave... I hold it while biting my lips as hard as possible and showing her the smile to tell her I'll be fine.  I still managed to hug her for the last time because if I could, I really doesn't want to let go this person out of my life but there's just so much I wanted to do but so little I could do.

I'm break and shattered but this has all been expected, I'll just feel the pain while you'll continue your laughter.

Thank you for being part of my journey all this long but now, you'll have to detach me whilst me burying our memories deep down into my heart.. I hope the man whose going to walk to the aisle is gonna be everything you ever wanted..  I was not even close to being that man from the very start but all that I ever wanted to do is to keep you up high into the sky...  You deserve so much more than I could ever give.

I just hope that the person will love you more than I do..

Goodbye...