Blink your eye again...

2012 is coming to an end and even my Advanced Diploma session is packing itself up but how far have I prepared myself to the whole new stage of life?  Where everything will need to be started back from scratches and the cycle of life is just about to be repeated again and again.  That I just had the same feeling the same thing will happen to me like how it happened in the end of my secondary school life.

Might not be the same person but might be the same situation.  There again the dice of fate rotating for me and I could almost feel like seeing how the outcome will turn out to be like.  I'll be saying goodbyes and then people will moves on with their own lives while me still straying my life out there struggling against the maze that I've made up.

Talk what about cycle of life after death... Now itself I'm feeling my life is like an old audio tape that keeps repeating itself all over again.  When can I ever get out from this cycle and live up normally like how I've always dreamt of?  Talk what about reaching high when all I could do is just stretching my legs and feel a bit taller than I should be?  Talk what about achieving my dreams when it's all never meant to be real?  

Just be good, stay calm, and wait till the sunsets and rises again...  I've already done what I could do to change my fate but yet to no avail, it's not that I doesn't want to turn the table, my opportunities wasn't here yet or peoples are not giving me the chances yet.  Right now, I'm just a growing seed waiting to be fertilized and watered, waiting the rightful one to pick it up.

Somehow, peoples do choose how does a person looks like than how does a people treat them like.  Being very good to a person only makes them suspicious when you don't look like the way you're supposed to be expected.  But if you're good looking, no matter what you did, you're yourself.  Only mouth will talk about how "appearance will fall but attitude will continue to grow" but who really did applied on it?

P/S - There are indeed those who doesn't choose appearance,

but apparently their attitude are even worst than their look...

Reality sucks but that's the way the cookie crumbles!

And for those who've chosen the best attitudes and also good looking, good for you and you have my blessings while even if they don't look good, it doesn't matter.  As I say, Attitude will continue to grow, it depends on how they could grow. 50/50~!

By her side..again

As promised, I tried my best to stay on no matter what happen.  There's no reason why I would continue doing so, not because of deep affection nor because of repaying any kind debts.  Something just tell me that I'll need to be by her side even if she don't need me yet I still wanted to be there for her.  At least for someone being literally close to her, there's something I can do to make her feel better.  

I might not be able to do much (as usual) but it doesn't mean I should abandon her when she is in need of someone to help.  Whether it's a promise I made to my own self or my own self created piece-of-principle.  And in order for me to make her smile more, all I have to do, is continue on putting the 'mask' that hides my reasons behind my acts.  Because nobody care who I am until I've decided to put on the 'mask'  (sounds familiar yet relevant).

I realised that peoples are more likely to be attracted by individuals who have a heart of sea where you can't see how deep does it goes rather than those that can be easily seen and predicted.  I'm both predicted and unpredictable.  My magic works like a mirror where your action will decides my reflection on you.  Some people will thought that I'm predictable and they tried to step over me but end up tripping up high, some people thought that I'm unpredictable and I perform something obvious.

It's all part of the play but for her...  It's a play with full emotion that can't be exhaled.

Life as one

Apparently, recently, Facebookers been sharing the articles about the old couples whereby the old husband build a 6000-steps stairs for his deary wife to easily climb up the mountain.  This romantic event eventually triggered the inspiration of this Hong Kong drama entitled 天梯 (The Last Steep Ascent).

Not meant to relate myself to this story but then when I was very young (around 6-7 years old) back then, I always had this weird dream where I was this old man who live at the base of a mountain alone.  I had my own farm and I build my own house.  Everyday, I'll climb up to the mountain and carve something on it which I've no idea what was it but the dream was so realistic that I had that dream for more than 5 times.  I even mumbled something about "repaying the kind debt in the next life" stuff.  

I know I sounded pretty lunatic and... in a sane way, I'll just say kids' imagination can go pretty wild at times and I think I went a bit too far in imagining but what gives, it seems real.

Sometimes, I would think of that as my past life that I've get tired about living in the society and I prefer to live on alone without being related to any conspiracy spreading out from the communities.  History never really changes that much for humanity, only the method of approaching is different.  So, does it come to you that in this life, you want to do something else to make a change? 

Our capabilities can be very small and unworthy to be compared to any other person who's stronger than us, but as long as we tried to do it our very best, does it matter of our value to others?  At one point, you might be a rubbish for this particular individuals but at another point, you're priceless to the others.  

Perhaps, today, nobody sees who you really are nor appreciate what you really did, don't rush it, you still have time till someone sees you and if worst come to worst, you'll only be missed when you're dead, well, this happens a lot to many people.  At least, you'll still live on in some people memories which is better than dying as a nobody.

And yes, I'm here today, because I'm about to repay someone's kindness.  Probably not now but the coming future will bears the answers I'm seeking for.

Tears.

Have you ever watched a movie and feels touched deep down that you eventually cried it out like a baby.. Well, not as bad as a baby but you realised the tears won't stop flowing down.  

To be frank, I had never watched such movie that could made me had this feeling but there's this particular Anime that made me felt so (yes, an anime, a Japanese cartoon).

It made me think about it, that cartoon wasn't necessary to be something that only kids can watch, there are certain anime that were made to reach people with their own message.  They had their own storylines and as long as it related to the reality, it makes you think about it.  The anime that I was talking about is Clannad: After Story.  

It was an anime full of slice of life which tells the story of a couple that started out their relationship through their youthful highschool life till the moment they faced life as adults.  Each episode of this anime is filled with deep emotional message and I could swear I could feel tears in my eyes almost every episode nearing the end.  Perhaps it was because I'm still living in my youth that I could felt how sad it was to be placing myself in the shoes of the characters in the anime.

At least I get to know that I'm not really that cold-hearted after all after watching this...

For the least, I still agree it will never be easy to achieve a simple life..  Pure happiness is impossible unless you cherish your everyday life.