Forgive but not forget..

How long can you be angry of someone? How long can I be angry of someone?  I guess it varied not only based on gender but also on a person's personality.  I guess the longest time I can be angry of someone is only about less than a week.  It's a good thing that my anger doesn't last, but, an angry heart can easily be extinguished but can an injured heart recovered that fast?

I couldn't, I find very own best reason to forgive a person, but I couldn't forget the way I was treated, I wouldn't mind how others will think of, but I've cast my trust on you but what you've done to me had made me really disappointed and it crushed me eventually.  Those memories just died, and I wouldn't revoke my past anymore.  You've started to forgotten our memories, as predicted, people will eventually forget me despite how much we've been through.  

It just hurt so much on me this time, in the previous pasts, it doesn't hurt much, perhaps this time, I've put it up close to my chest then it accidentally stabbed right into the heart... Now, no words nor act of yours will cure me anymore, I doesn't want to be saved anymore, I want to re-enter my "void" form.  You've never seen me once I've close the chapter.  All that's left in our chapters, would be "friends".

My new year resolution; lets forget everything we've been through.  

Found a song.

The song and the lyrics both described life well~~ Enjoy it!!

Neither part of me is breaking..

Till now..  I've been trying so many things to put it off me... To prevent it from getting closer but I felt the helplessness and despair.  

Tried so many things to forget it but I still couldn't do it... but still I have to..

People say there are many ways to do things that will make you happier and make you forget about the sad things but why am I having so much difficulties even when I tried so many fun things...?

Tried to pretend

Tried to get drunk

Tried to go out with friends and had fun

Tried to entertain myself with motion pictures

Tried to be addicted to games again

Tried to be consulted by other people

Tried to move on

Tried to push my physical limits to the maximum

Tried to let the time passes on.. (it's been years...)

Still to no avail... I can still feel the fractured beat in me.  Just what can I do...? 

I really couldn't bear myself from keep seeing hope... I doesn't want to have hope nor mercy.

Just let it go.. Let it go....

The Empty Shell

I'm not strong enough, 

I'm weak;

My voice couldn't reach out to those who shall hear.

My Heart couldn't touch those who needed it.

I'm that empty shell that always misses the target,

Reloaded and shot,

Nothing was hit, but I made my purpose, 

I've been triggered and end my job.

To them, I'm just a shell, nothing else...

Try to give a meaning with a bang but end up as the bitter bits of dust.

Reaching out my hand to lift up their misery.

And they walked away happily while I bear their burden.

Smiled and it will be okay.. "Everything will be okay",

Hoping one day that people will see through my blood and tears.

Only to realise that ignorance can be really strong to humanity.

This is not a film, the kind one doesn't end up good,

They were only missed when they were gone.

Only when they were gone, people will tears and wished,

they know they've been fools and hoped for a time travel,

but they never changes, you still never realise them..

Triggered and Regretted...

That's how the kind person dies and the blessed remained.

Your purpose was to look helplessly as they left you,

So, don't feel guilty if you had your back on them.

Don't feel bad because you've changed,

One Wrong removes All Right.

But, I will hold on.... Shall I be gone, your tears worth naught.

You won't brought me back, and I doesn't want to be back.

I've done what I've supposed to... But how long does it take for you to feel it?

Chase

Ever think of why would you write blog with so many words and non of it ever mean anything to any other people and might not even mean something to yourself.. To be exact, that's how my blog was written, I thought I could write off everything in my heart out to my blog just to voice up all my happiness and sorrow but I was wrong.. 

The thing that I could only write is just all those hidden message because there are things that people should know and things that people should never know.  Then why insisted on writing things that nobody will understand?  Here's the part where I could at least make things a little bit more interesting, I'm hoping the 'me' in the future will look back and find back the person of how I've become.

However, I understand myself too well, I ain't even going to look back to myself in the future, I move on my life and I won't stop for obstacles.  I may have cracked and injured, but I won't keep looking back, I've no time to look back at all.  Though who knows, when the times comes, I might lose my memory and intends to google my own name to find clue of my ownself.

I believe I'll find back myself just like how I find myself in the very same situation... not to mention the similarities going through my blogs, that if you've read my old posts, you might as well need not to read the new one...  You can't become yourself because you're who you are in the circle.

You with your loyalty brings you out who you are today... You doesn't want to change, you welcomed change but you wanted the core the remain the same, you hoped that people could accept you for who you are but you realised it is all too soon for people to understand.

At countless beats of hearts, you tried to give up being who you really are but it's hopeless... You can't run from what's been fated.  Till the day you broke the chain, that would be the moment you've reached enlightenment.  Though you've never trusted the end, you've seek to do your best, not for yourself but for those who you really cared of, those who need you..  You'll be there for them and you'll never give them up.

You believe in love. and you'll chase back the memories..

Please let me go..

It was suppose to be a happy day for today but I think I had enough of my reality.. It's so suffocating breathing this air, it's so difficult to keep taking the breath, it kept giving me hope and took it off right infront of me.  I was granted with hope that I could never get and those golden words about grabbing the opportunity always doesn't apply to me.

They always say, you never try, you never know.  Do you know how many times have I tried?  You're the one insisted me to try and yet you're the one who gave me a chance and blew it off away right infront of me when I try to grab the chance.  I fell down, I stood back up, I fell again, and I kept standing back because I kept believing in the hope that you've talked about..  I had faith in hope, I kept persuading.. but the closer I come, the further hope is.. Yet it doesn't want to disappear, it kept lingering right infront of me like a bait to potholes..

Am I really that difficult to be accepted by people..  Why is everyone pushing me away and yet wanted me to come close?  Either you're being sarcastic or you're thinking that it's fun to see me suffer.  I rather people kill me with a straight answer "No" than telling me "Maybe".  I rather die in a quick kill than suffered in the wait while obviously knowing that there won't be a "Yes".

Now, I'm just a freak.. I just did everything for the others and it's totally abnormal, crazy, and stupid because in the end, nobody really does need me..  I just "coincidentally" added into the situation.  At the end of the day, people will forget me for what I've done, because I'm not that asshole that did so much for a girl just to win her heart, I did it so much because I wanted them to believe in hope..  I didn't want to ask for anything because I know I'll be forgotten either way..  I'm the worst..

It won't kept me for long, I still have to look for the hope... I still waiting for the day..  I still naively believe in it... I had to shattered to grow stronger..  I had to hate myself even more to achieve myself..