It was suppose to be a happy day for today but I think I had enough of my reality.. It's so suffocating breathing this air, it's so difficult to keep taking the breath, it kept giving me hope and took it off right infront of me. I was granted with hope that I could never get and those golden words about grabbing the opportunity always doesn't apply to me.
They always say, you never try, you never know. Do you know how many times have I tried? You're the one insisted me to try and yet you're the one who gave me a chance and blew it off away right infront of me when I try to grab the chance. I fell down, I stood back up, I fell again, and I kept standing back because I kept believing in the hope that you've talked about.. I had faith in hope, I kept persuading.. but the closer I come, the further hope is.. Yet it doesn't want to disappear, it kept lingering right infront of me like a bait to potholes..
Am I really that difficult to be accepted by people.. Why is everyone pushing me away and yet wanted me to come close? Either you're being sarcastic or you're thinking that it's fun to see me suffer. I rather people kill me with a straight answer "No" than telling me "Maybe". I rather die in a quick kill than suffered in the wait while obviously knowing that there won't be a "Yes".
Now, I'm just a freak.. I just did everything for the others and it's totally abnormal, crazy, and stupid because in the end, nobody really does need me.. I just "coincidentally" added into the situation. At the end of the day, people will forget me for what I've done, because I'm not that asshole that did so much for a girl just to win her heart, I did it so much because I wanted them to believe in hope.. I didn't want to ask for anything because I know I'll be forgotten either way.. I'm the worst..
It won't kept me for long, I still have to look for the hope... I still waiting for the day.. I still naively believe in it... I had to shattered to grow stronger.. I had to hate myself even more to achieve myself..
No comments:
Post a Comment