An invisible wall....

Time ticks off every single second and it's time I come to realise that it's about time to pack off this year's memory into the 2009 package... I hope that the time would pass... pass like how the wind blow... and let it make my memories fade again.
Be free again.. See the world like I've never see before.
Time is so little yet it can seems like so fast-forwarded when you felt you were on top of the world and it can seems like a never-ending moment when you felt that there's nothing you could do to bear the sadness.

When only I can put this past behind me..
I've changed.. but why this feeling is still not dying..
Each time I recalled...
even in between my sleeping time... I would wake up to find out it still hurts deep inside...
Am I bringing all this pain up for myself?
I tend to make myself happy too.. but the more I do.. the more I realise it's futile..
Though I won't give up trying... The rehabilitation progress isn't as easy as I could have said before this..

There's nothing the others could do to assist me.. this is a solo-fight of mine..
but when will it end...
when will I ever find back what I've lost... I want to keep moving.. Just keep on going...
Please... I must...

Die as a hero or continue to live on to become another villain

Out of boring-ness.. just felt like type in a few words in my blog.
Studying to face the test tomorrow.
I can do it!!
I'll be the survivor!!
I might not be the best but I'll do what I can do.
Die for nothing or fight for something...



P/S - I'm hungry right now and there's two dude luring me with their instant noodles... T-T

I know what's next...

I know I've gotta be one of the dude who runs in the most outdated field of time but somehow, late is better than never.
So, I've just watched this "The Dark Knight" a while ago and certainly wondering what would it be like to be someone who can prove to others that what's the point running around in the circle when you can pop yourself out of it.
"Why so serious?", that's what he says, Joker.
That's why, I think I know where I can find myself..
Not not not, through insanity or imitation if you're thinking I'm going to be a psychopath to cuts off life like them, movies are movies.
I'm just.. inspired.. and boring..

Anyway, here's a song that were introduced by my brother~

Whitney Houston - I will always love you

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

(Instrumental solo)

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.

You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

It cuts like a knife...

It's not the first time..
Now, all I need is just to make sure everything can get back to normal..
That's to make things had never happened.. The whole memory from the first day I met her at the airport.. but can I?
Can memory really be washed away like a whiteboard..
It's feeling like a knife with it's 7 inches length stabbed through my heart..
Unbearable.. I know it's normal but hey, this is after all the first...
The first is always the hardest, do you agree me?
The blood just keep bleeding on the floor...

Michael Jackson - She's out of my life

(1st Verse)
She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
And I Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don't Know Whether To Live Or Die
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

(2nd Verse)
It's Out Of My Hands
It's Out Of My Hands
To Think For Two Years She Was Here
And I Took Her For Granted I Was So Cavalier
Now The Way That It Stands
She's Out Of My Hands

(Bridge)
So I've Learned That Love's Not Possession
And I've Learned That Love Won't Wait
Now I've Learned That Love Needs Expression
But I Learned Too Late

(3rd Verse)
She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
Damned Indecision And Cursed Pride
Kept My Love For Her Locked Deep Inside
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

Unbeatable, Unbreakable, but I'm not Invincible

I've told myself to be strong..
I've told myself to go through the pain...
I've told myself that everything will be fine....
But what had happened at that very moment.....
Have totally shattered my heart.. of all the person, even you would treat me this way..
Even you've betrayed me...
I've lost everything again and again....
Maybe, I don't deserve to own anything at all.....
It should be gone, even if can't, it should be..
At that moment, I really wish I could be just disperse into the air and never exist....
But I know, there's more life harder than mine...
Somehow, I had it enough, this time, I'm still going to make the smile.

Thanks for supporting me, Jessie, Joe Jian, Justin, and Ida too...edit: thanks to Vinni too!!
Maybe either of you wouldn't get it why am I thanking to you all....
I just want to thanks for everything.. Every single words that you all have lay on me makes me felt who I am..

And I'm sincerely apologising to Lily, Anne, Phoebe, Suiheong(about the treat thingy), and Michele. I'll want to be alone and away from everything..

I want to be gone.. gone again, and again, even if can't I still want to..
But I'll live on..

When they say the sky is the limit..It's true

Last Wednesday was one of the day tht I felt really proud of myself... after so many changes that I've tried... I guess, this is really the right thing I've done so far..
That means... I'll remain like how I am from now on.. till time can never tell..
Why do I say so, oh well, I've done a real good job during my presentation and va'la.. I totally impressed the teacher and for a big possibility that I'll be chosen to do more speech in my 2nd sem.

It's unbelievable that I could change this much in a short while, since last time, when I was standing infront of the crowd, I couldn't give out a word at all and right now...I felt the stage belongs to me.. and I just say it all out and give the crowd an amazing presentation.
Too bad there's no proof to prove my words but based on the marks tht I'll get for my presentation, that'll be the best prove~

and the marks I get is currently the highest compared to other schools for this sem.. so how does tht sounds? ahahaha, not that I meant to lanci but I'm really happy, for those who know me in secondary school, you guys should remember how lame I was when I step infront of the crowds.
And when I finally could do it.. the feeling of happiness is really totally different..
I'll do my best again and again~!

Something that can be feel but can't be feel...

I have enough of everything... really do, I really do have enough... Yes.. the person I meant to change is the person who really had enough with everything around me..
It's pointless being emotional (though I think I didn't attempt to) but it's really no point waiting for someone to care about me myself.. I'll never think of needing anyone anymore..
Saving others is better than waiting to be saved.
Please... move on.... Close this heart.. and move on...
If they say you can choose in your life... it's all a lie... not everything is within your choice...
sometimes things are already determined... it's just within your range of views..
that's why it works out just like a miracle when it happened in a good way or an accident when it happened in a bad way..
Don't worry, live through it, fate is still beyond our hands...
Must live through.. even if can't, still have to...
Just hear the echoes and let it gone into the rabbles...
I know it will...

Talent Time Night...

phew... yesterday was a great experience I had in TARCollege and it's undeniable great and impressing (comparing to my High-School-Musical Wannabes in Secondary school), no offense to my secondary schoolmates but it's really sucky and unoriginal at all... Maybe amateurs and youth have different ways of spicing things up... I certainly dislike amateurs entertainments and more on to youth's entertainments... If want to compare, it's a Sky and Earth comparison.
To those who felt offended, I'm sorry to state out this disappointment but the truth is always hurt right.
Talent Time Night:~
Yeap, that's what the event name was and I felt that their talent is really great like dancing,singing, sexies,emcees,instrumentalist~ they really got me Wow~ but though if want to compare overally, I rated this event 7/10 because of some flaw. oh well, nothing is perfect.
Too bad I couldnt capture any picture. since my camera is a cheap one, I could only capture darkness in there. Anyhow, it's a memory that's almost unforgettable. I'm sure I could see better scenes anyway.

Back to back, right now... I'm sick again damn it~
Which eventually cancelled many activities of mine.. jeez, talking bout unlucky... this year is really bad for me!!

Wondering...

Living right now...
Seeing the days pass by me and only I knew that there's nothing much I can do for anything anymore...
Eliminating every possible values of emotion.
Ceasing chance to have back my feelings..
Be lost and never found.
I know that if I don't do things for myself, no one else would.
Why need someone to care when even if you tell them your problem, all they can do is just to tell you "I can't help you, you have to help yourself".
So, I doesn't need anymore of concerns... I will still concern bout the people beside me but I certainly doesn't need anymore of you. I doesn't want to put a hope to you and hoping you will help me whenever I need you... I've been betrayed and abandoned too many times, I can't take it anymore... I'm tired... I never thought even you will abandoned me like anyone else..

I'm closing my heart....
I'll wear this mask and bound myself to normal state..
Thanks... and Goodbye